school days and the introverted mom  

I love you, people. I do.

I just want you to… go away. Sometimes! I just want you to go away sometimes. It would be helpful if I could control everyone’s proximity to me, actually. Like, right now, I’m a party of one in a sushi restaurant typing and drinking tea. It’s beautiful, and I love being alone, but I wouldn’t mind if a friend walked in right now and sat down. There are other times when I am sitting alone and can’t silently plead with my eyes enough for anyone nearby to please just stay away. This isn’t because I’m a terrible person (at least, that’s what I tell myself).

It’s because I’m an introvert.

I love people, but being around them for too long is exhausting. I can’t begin to explain how my energy takes a toll when I’m around people, even my best friends and family. I know that I need to have regular periods of time where I can recharge by myself or I’ll get cranky and tired. 

To sum up: group projects aren’t my jam. To make it through the group project that is life, I have to guard my time carefully. I spend A LOT of time with the little people I created. At the end of the day, I usually need to unwind instead of running off to meet friends or attend to other responsibilities outside of the house.

(That’s not to say I never do these things. I just don’t constantly do them.) 

When Boone started kindergarten, I knew I had to make a plan for the kind of “school mom” I’d be. This led me to create the following list, so fellow introvert-mamas, buckle up! This one’s for you. (Extrovert mamas, keep on doing you. Thanks for visiting the classroom and working on the playground while I throw Starbucks gift cards at the teachers and send the occasional encouraging email. But hey, extro-moms, maybe keep reading anyway so you see how the rest of us feel about things? Thanks; you’re the best.)

Jonah’s an introvert, but he is also a toddler, so he does not have to be polite about reaching his people limit.

1. FACEBOOK.

Mamas, let Facebook be your friend. I’m not saying immediately friend your child’s teacher (you’ll both want a semi-safe space on the Internet), but I am saying expand your friends list to include fellow moms in your chid’s class. Before we started this journey called school, all of Boone’s friends were essentially the children of my friends. Oh sure, we’d play up the kid-friendship so they wouldn’t think we were actually going to a play date for mommy. I knew my friends well, and we usually had pretty similar parenting styles, so I never felt like they were judging how I did something. Once school began, however, new names entered the friends list. There’s every chance these names will stick around for a long time. (I mean, I met my husband during my school journey, so I generally think long-term.) 

Facebook is a great way for introverts to connect with the world. While in person I may occasionally come across as bored or awkward or tired or aloof, I can proof-read comments on Facebook. I can learn real things about people that won’t naturally come up in first conversations. I’m not the queen of small talk. I need real content or I start making bad jokes. It’s only fun for a little while, and then it just seems sad.

2. DO WHAT YOU CAN.

So you want to help in the classroom but the thought of being surrounded by 20-something kids who all have needs and stories sounds awful? Email the teacher and ask if she has any paperwork you can do, extra school supplies you can buy, or basically anything you can do by yourself and drop off later. There’s a reason why this world is divided into extroverts and introverts — somebody needs to listen to all of the kid-stories, and somebody else needs to run the copy machine.

3. GIFTS NEVER HURT ANYBODY.

OK, before you think I buy friendships, hear me out. I’m not talking about a weekly delivery of a dozen roses sent right into your child’s classroom. That… could potentially send the wrong message. I’m talking about the occasional $5 gift card to Starbucks with a note that says “You’re amazing… and probably tired; get some coffee.” The gift doesn’t have to be a tangible thing, either; a quick email with a cute story your child told you about school would also spread some joy. Teachers get a LOT of emails everyday. Between district requirements, classroom issues, school functions, and probably a million spam emails from fundraising companies, a real, brief, heartfelt note could really brighten a day.

4. STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

Last year I helped plan an “Elegant Kindergarten Graduation Event.” I stopped for iced coffee on my way to planning meetings and psyched myself up in my car before hand. You can do this… You are a valuable member of this team… Team work makes the dream work. And it did! The small group of event planners pulled off a wonderful experience for the kids and their parents. Some planners played bigger roles than others, but in the end, everyone did what they could and the event was a success.

5. GRACE.

Give grace to every teacher, every student, every office worker, every janitor, every lunch attendant, every parent, just everyone that you come across. We all know everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about, so give grace so freely. The mom you think is rude could be having a rough season. The dad who misses school events could be working overtime to provide for his family. The mom who stands quietly in the background (hey) could be a great friend when she relaxes a bit and stops trying too hard to make a relevant and hilarious joke about essentially anything.

Boone is an extrovert who needs people so much, he’ll befriend store mannequins if that’s all that is available.

Happy school year, moms and dads. Whether you parent a school lover, a school hater, or a school-indifferenter, I hope this is your best year yet. And if it isn’t, let’s go get coffee or wine and chat about it.

Just please let’s be done when I want to be done.

I’ll have some sort of signal so I don’t seem rude. 

I’ll tug on my left ear and you’ll say “BOY, I AM TIRED NOW, BETTER GET GOING.”

Thanks. 

You’re a peach.

Really. 

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