i can’t live with or without you, kid shows

Love it or hate it, “screen time” has been a saving grace of moms since the TV got more than three channels. While I can’t say that I’m totally on board with leaving my child in front of a television indefinitely, some days are a little more… screen-y than others. We are just trying to make it, OK? Let us live.

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WHAT TIME IS IT? Screen time. Obviously.

Wherever you are on the screen time spectrum (ranging from “we only play quietly with sticks outside” – ps teach me your ways – to “ALL SHOWS ALL THE TIME”), I know you have strong opinions about television shows. Kid’s television shows, specifically. Maybe you like to relive your youth and present your children with old-school Sesame Street (Gordon forever) or The Magic School Bus. Maybe you turn on PBS and let it run all day (no judgements; and also, #savePBS). Maybe you allow your little ones five minutes of a nature documentary a day after they’ve exhausted themselves with all of the stick-playing (seriously, teach me your ways). But whatever path you choose, I know we can all agree on one thing:

Caillou is the worst.

This is not an unpopular opinion. Everybody hates Caillou. He’s probably the only thing that’s ever come out of Canada that makes everyone cringe. (Don’t worry, neighbors to the north, Poutine more than makes up for him.)

I’m not going to detail why Caillou’s the worst, OK? We all know. His voice is terrible. He’s on a perpetual path of destruction and constantly surprised that he ends up in trouble. In one episode, he decided to try olives and he liked the olives. Come on, C. Olives are gross.

(Sorry if you like olives, but that was the last straw for me.)

No, I’m here today to talk about the other kid’s shows that are ridiculously crazy weird. In no particular order, I present to you:

THE PREMEDITATED LIST OF CHILDREN’S SHOWS THAT ARE AWFUL (and one or two that don’t suck)

The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That

Truth: Martin Short (a Canadian; further proof that Canada mainly exports kids shows and gravy on French fries) is a genius. He can sing! He can do silly voices! He’s a delight.

Also the truth: This show has unsupervised kids regularly being asked by at best – an imaginary human-like feline or at worst – stranger in a cat costume – to go on adventures. The moms of this show are always cool with this, as long as the kids are home by mealtime. “Sure, kids! Go ahead and fly on a rocket ship to the moon with a creature I’ve never seen!” “Someone wants to zap you down to the size of ants so you can scurry around underground? Neat! Just be home in time for dinner!”

Really, moms? Really? You don’t have… any follow up Q’s, here?

And don’t even get me started on Thing 1 and Thing 2’s shenanigans. I’m pretty sure they’re personally responsible for my toddler’s destructive streak.

The Garfield Show

Truth: Garfield loves lasagna and hates Mondays, and that kind of shtick just doesn’t get old.

Also the truth: This show, found on Netflix, is not the Garfield of our youth, 90s kids. This is some 3-D CG weirdness that kind of feels like if a dollar store tries to sell a ripoff action figure and name it “BatGuy.” I can’t comment on the actual content very well as I am constantly distracted by the fact that Garfield sounds more like a lazy Jim Belushi than the monotone feline we loved in Garfield and Friends. (In fairness, I think the original Garfield voice-actor died, but I for one think casting could have found a closer match.)

Bubble Guppies

Truth: Kind of cute? I do appreciate how the show makes mermaids accessible to all genders.

Also the truth: I kid you not, these are the lyrics to the theme song – BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPY GUPPY GUPPIES…

I’m sorry but that is just inexcusable.

(And now for the ones that don’t suck!)

Octonauts

Truth: This British children’s show is actually cute AND educational.

Also the truth: Yes, there’s some annoying songs in there. And the moral dilemma of the half-animal, half-vegetable creatures deemed the “vegimals” who are kind of the Octonauts’ servants. But! This show actually teaches real things (like that Cone Snails are wicked scary) and it’s fun for mom and kids alike.

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood

Truth: We still sing the “stop and go right away” potty song at my house. Regularly.

Also the truth: Sure, there are questions. How does trolley know where you’re going? What’s teacher Harriet’s deal? Does she have a family or does she live at the preschool? What does “ugga mugga” mean? Who cares. This show teaches awesome lessons and delivers them with catchy songs you can sing to your toddler when they’re being a jerk-I mean, need some gentle reminders on how to be a nice friend.

I hope this helps the next time you need a 22-minute break from your precious unicorn offspring. Feel free to pass along this handy guide to a pregnant friend who doesn’t yet know the dark underworld that is children’s telvision.

Unless you think she’s the kind of mom who will just send her kids outside with sticks.

(Can I meet her?)

how my prayers have changed (some thoughts on depression)

I remember when I was in elementary school, I remarked to my friend’s mom that I could make myself laugh. I was an awkward adolescent, and I have no real recollection the context of this admission, but I do remember her response: “Well good, then you’ll never be depressed.”

And well, the joke’s on her.

I want to take a little break from mom-specific things things this week. Yes, this topic is important for moms, but it’s important for dads and kids and everyone else too. If you or someone you know has depression, I hope you know that “depression” doesn’t mean “super Eeyore-sad all the time.” It doesn’t make you start dressing all in black and going in hard on the black eyeliner. It doesn’t make you an invalid… until it does.

I didn’t officially latch on to the clinical depression diagnosis until my second son, Jonah, was born. I realized then that the fog all mothers experience postpartum wasn’t lifting. The bond with my newborn wasn’t forming. But most of all, I think I realized that I was finally in a space safe and easy enough to just call the doctor and request medicine. No one can fault the weary new mom for asking for help when she needed it, right? And about ten days later, once the medicine had time to get in my system and start working, the fog lifted. This call was absolutely the right one for me. My only problem?

That I hadn’t called sooner.

Before I continue, please know that I serve a God of miracles, of compassion, of love. The God of renewal and transformation. The Creator of heaven, earth, and me. I heard, at churches and retreats, over and over again how God answers prayers. How he can save us from the depths. How He is all we need.

The first time I really felt doubt about this was in college. I put on a mask that I had worn for a long time – the “funny one” – and didn’t let people really see me when life got overwhelming. I hid in bathroom stalls and pretended to be asleep to just be “off.” And while off, I prayed. To be happy. Just be happy. Please God, I’m not asking for much — I just want to be happy.

Keep in mind, I had a lot of great things going for me. I had great friends. I went to a great school. I won awards and scholarships for singing – my major – and my future was bright. By my junior year, I was engaged to the only man I’ve ever loved. If you’re waiting for the shoe-dropping moment, there isn’t one. My life was good. My life was good. But I wasn’t happy. Because this is what depression does.

Years passed, college ended, married life and real jobs began, and I still prayed for happiness. My first teaching job brought with it much praise and success, but I still doubted myself so strongly. There were never enough compliments to drown out my own voices of insufficiency.

Please, God, let me be happy. I just want to be happy. I know You can just make me be happy. I know You can. Please.

I believe God had been answering all of those prayers, but I didn’t really listen until I was driving with a preschool-aged Boone and a infant Jonah in the backseat. I was listening to the Barenaked Ladies album, Born on a Pirate Ship (because most of my music comes out of the 90s), and when I heard the words “I have faith in medications/I believe in the Prozac nation,” I knew God was declaring the answer to my prayers for happiness. I pulled into a parking spot and cried. I called the doctor with the strongest voice I could muster (which was still pretty shaky) and the rest is history.

That’s when my ears started hearing pastors urge congregants to pray for miracles. To trust God can fix everything. As I said earlier, I truly believe He can – but I think we need to be careful about how we present this to brothers and sisters in a time of struggle. A previous pastor of mine used to end prayers filled with requests with the line, “we know that You can, God, and we pray that You will.” I’ve adopted this into my own prayers, but I’ve added an extra step. I still pray for the miracle – but I ask God to show me how He wants me to fix the problem. Sometimes He’s quiet and I learn patience. But more often than not, I find that He helps my ears and eyes to remain open to see the answers He’s placing in front of me. I cannot tell you how many times I heard people talk about the power of anti-depressants while I was praying for God to simply take away my unhappiness. Do I believe God could have said “You’re happy now,” and I would have been? Of course. But He created us to live in community, and I think He needed me to find happiness by reaching out to others, by trusting scientists and doctors, and by sharing the journey with those who might need to hear it.

Don’t get me wrong, “I had a problem and God immediately fixed it,” is a decent story too. But what does it say to those who pray and pray and pray without feeling like they are getting a response? “Why did God fix them and not me?” No, I believe that God can and does perform miracles. Sometimes He works alone – He will make a tumor disappear in such a way that medical professionals are baffled. But sometimes, sometimes He’ll take an ordinary human and use them to revive an infant born without a heartbeat. Through medical training and expertise, that baby will live where he otherwise would have died. Surely God could have said “baby, breathe now,” but He wants to use His people.

If you know someone who struggles with depression, share this story if you don’t have one of your own. Pray for them. Pray with them. But ask that God uses His people to heal instead of only requestly He directly do all the work Himself.

you are (2) going on (3)

Have you recently found yourself delighted at the prospect of going to an allergy office to be stuck by needles several times because you have the opportunity to get those pokes all by your lonesome? Do you feel stuck in a loop a la Groundhog’s Day, except instead of trying to make it to February 3, you’re trying in vain to keep food off your floors and walls? Are you rapidly losing your hair (because you’re pulling it out)?

You might have an Almost-three.

Classic Almost-three. Note the spilled marker cup and the eyes that say “yeah, what of it?” Almost-threes are also masters of the smirk.

Almost-threes are a particular breed of child that can “be starving” but also “don’t want to eat that.” Almost-threes often speak in high pitched screeches that rival the decibel level of a jet engine. They love avenging self-declared grevious wrongs, unfolding perfectly matched pairs of socks, and requiring an emergency bathroom at inopportune times. Oh, Almost-threes have their sweet qualities: for one, their little half-baby faces look positively adorable scrunched up into anger. The first time, anyway. And maybe some Almost-threes say “barret feet” instead of “bare feet” or “wass” instead of “water,” and that’s just crazy sweet. 

But let’s be honest with ourselves: we’ve all heard “terrible twos.” We’ve heard “three-nager.” While each child will have a different journey toward reaching their maximum jerk potential, I urge you to consider the oft-overlooked Almost-three. Don’t let them sneak up on you. You’ll probably end up wet as a result (don’t ask what the wet is, it’s better not to know).

“Who wouldn’t want sand over every inch of their body?” -All Almost-threes

So how do you identify an Almost-three? Here are some handy things to look out for.

An Almost-three has successfully completed two journeys around the sun but has not yet completed a third.

An Almost-three simultaneously wants to “play with mama” and “no play with mama.”

Note: “Play with mama” usually means either a) physically abusing mama, b) asking for a snack, or c) making a pile of all of your puzzle pieces and immediately saying “all done.” “No play with mama” usually means your Almost-three is peeing somewhere there should certainly not be pee.

An Almost-three switches moods almost instantly.

And there are ways to work with this. “Suggest” your child take a nap because he seems sleepy. When he doth protest too much, say, “or just play nice with mama and we’ll get a snack later!” That snack may be carrots. That’s future-you’s problem.

This leads us to the Question of the Universe: WHY IS YOUR ALMOST-THREE THIS INSANE NIGHTMARE?

I have a theory, but note: this theory works really well with my current situation as a stay-at-home-mom. If you’re in a different situation but are also experiencing signs and symptoms of having an Almost-three, let me know your specifics and I will come up with a tailor made theory just for you.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I firmly believe that the Almost-three appears about six months (give or take) before you would send your little goldfish-guzzler to preschool or threeschool. Three-year-old preschool is not a requirement of any kind. Truth be told, four year old preschool isn’t either, but then you can use the reasoning of preparing for kindergarten.

But preschool for three-year-olds — especially three-year-olds that, say, don’t get out much (WE TRY OK; jk, I mean the ones that don’t go to a regular daycare) is so good. The three-year-old learns how to become a contributing member of a group. He learns to follow a somewhat regular routine. He learns that his teacher is someone to respect; he learns what respect is (in an ideal world, but hey, bear with me). 

But here’s the deal. Sometimes, when my Almost-three is asleep at night (and bonus points if he’s actually kept his pajamas and nighttime pull-up on), sometimes I look at him. I watch his tiny chest rise and fall and tear up in a sentimental way. I think, maybe you don’t need preschool this year?

Stay with your mama forever, you sweet little fluff of angel baby sent down from heaven!

And then he’ll wake up and dump a bottle of glue on his hands and I’ll say SIGN HIM UP NOW!

Almost-threes are God’s way of letting us know our littles are ready for preschool. Oh sure, we’ll cry and take a million pictures on that first day, but then we’ll drive to Starbucks alone, and we’ll smile, and we’ll think maybe I should have another baby? And then we’ll sip our coffee, remove oatmeal from our hair, and we’ll think NOPE.

premeditated meals, part 2

Here they are — in no particular order — my three FAVORITE kitchen appliances! Please know that the amazon pages listed are affiliate links and I may collect a portion of sales if items are clicked through and purchased from here.

Without further ado, the INSTANT POT!

So the Instant Pot is getting a LOT of buzz right now. But anything that can cook 2 lbs of ground beef and carrots and potatoes from stone cold raw to ready-for-dinner in about a half hour is going to get buzz. And it’s well deserved! This one appliance can do the work of so many others. It’s a pressure cooker, a slow cooker, a yogurt maker (one some models) and more! One of my favorite features is the ability to sauté in the pot before doing any pressure or slow cooking. All of a sudden you’ve eliminated the need for another pan to say, sear meat or carmelize onions.

Another great thing about the Instant Pot is that once it’s done pressure cooking, it can keep your food warm for an extended period of time. This is great for our family because when Jason’s working nights, he’ll leave our house between 4 and 4:30. If the rest of us aren’t ready for dinner quite that early, he can still take his portion and leave the rest in the pot to stay warm. There have been so many times when I haven’t started a slow cooker early enough for him to eat before leaving, and since this cooks food so quickly, it’s usually not an issue.

Cons: It IS bulky. If you don’t want to leave this on your counter, you may have to search a bit to find appropriately-sized cupboard space. It’s also pricey — consider how often you’ll use the Instant Pot before taking the plunge (for the record, I do get my money’s worth).

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Next up… the AIR FRYER!

OK, I’m going to be honest, I’m waiting for the internet to blow up about this thing. It is amazing. It “fries” your food using a tiny fraction of the oil typical fryers need, and it does this using hot circulating air. You can go pretty simple with the Air Fryer — throw in some sliced potatoes brushed lightly with the oil of your choice and in about ten minutes you have some pretty awesome French fries. BUT! The Air Fryer can do so much more than this. To date, I’ve made copycat Chick-Fil-A chicken patties, carne asada (yes, 1.5 lbs of flank steak!), DONUTS (work in progress, but I mean, they got eaten), and tandoori chicken. There are just so many things you can make with this thing, and I feel like nobody talks about it.

If you like to buy frozen foods (mini pizzas, French fries, other appetizers), the Air Fryer will crisp those up faster and better than your oven can. And while there is a range of temperatures at which you can cook different foods, the Air Fryer does not require the long pre-heating time the oven does.

Cons: Like the Instant Pot, it’s bulky and it’s pricey. If you struggle with finding time for cooking, I do recommend one or both, however. They do speed up the process!

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And finally… the ZOJIRUSHI BREAD MAKER!

I’m going to start out by listing the con for this one — it’s expensive! I absolutely LOVE this bread maker, but please know there are much more reasonably priced bread makers out there. I can’t speak to them, however, because this is the only bread maker I’ve ever owned.

I LOVE homemade bread, but it really is an event. It can take up almost the whole day, and if, at the end of the process, you learn your yeast is bad, you’re toast. (Pun totally intended.) It takes me less than ten minutes to throw all of my bread ingredients in the bread maker and press the “start” button. Or, if I’m heading to bed and want to wake up to the aroma of freshly baked bread (which is something I highly recommend), I can schedule the cooking so it will finish just as my alarm is going off. So far, I’ve made white bread, whole wheat bread, and banana bread, but there are just so many other options. Every loaf has been amazing and delicious. Now I’m kind of drooling and need to make bread tonight.

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My runner-up favorites can be found below:

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Happy cooking, premeditated family!

premeditated meals, part 1

My nerd is showing because Y’ALL — I’m talking about food.

I love food. I think that’s one of the reasons I love every single thing about Shauna Niequest — she is a Christian/mom/wife/superstar who also loves food. She’s written on and on about the balance between body acceptance and the richness and pleasure in eating well, and that is a line I tread regularly.

Food is spiritual. Whether we are filling our children’s bellies or bringing a dish to a family in need, we are doing God’s work. The kind of food doesn’t matter as much as the feeling behind it. Before I start getting a bit too dramatic, please know that there are many times I stand, bleary-eyed, in front of the microwave reheating boxed macaroni and cheese for my children. In that moment, my motivation may simply be “feed the kids quick,” but when I reflect on those times, I know that I am still providing for them in a real and tangible way.

But life.

LIFE, y’all. I know it’s hard to break out of the mealtime madness routine. Our lives are busy and full, and sometimes the thought of standing in a kitchen and making a big mess and chaos is just less than desirable. But if you are like me, you know that a delicious meal can, if only for a moment, soothe and comfort.

I do not claim to be any sort of food or meal prep expert, but I am premeditated, and I’m going to share some goodness with you. This week I’m talking about basic tips and how-to’s, but next week I’ll be talking about my favorite appliances (like the star-of-the-hour, the INSTANT POT!).

Premeditated Meals in 5 Easy Steps!

1. MEAL PLAN

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A fun meal prep notebook is a total game changer.
Even if you aren’t a big planner, please please plan out some meals. Start with dinners if you are new to meal planning — I plan out dinners for each day (though sometimes they do get shuffled around) and a few breakfasts and lunches for the week. I use a magnetic notebook and leave it on my fridge so I always know what meals we’ll be eating on a given day.

2. GROCERY SHOP

A given, sure, but I’m only including this here because IF you can somewhow make this work, immediately after grocery shopping I love to…

3. PREP THOSE MEALS

Prepped food! (Label maker sold separately.)

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Snacks, lunches, veggies
Chop your veggies. Cook things that can be cooked ahead of time and easily reheated. Start putting meal ingredients together in a way that will make the actual cooking of them a breeze. While I’m at it, I also like to bag up whatever snacks I bought (goldfish, pretzels, etc.) and get them ready to throw at hangry kids when necessary throughout the week. If you can manage to do this

Some caveats here: yes, there are a million videos/articles/blogs on the internet that will tell you how to store your veggies. Usually these won’t say “cut them all up!” because this will sometimes cause them to go bad quicker. Know how many veggies you’ll eat in a week and buy/prep that much only. You’ll be much more likely to eat it if it’s ready to go anyway, and couldn’t we all eat more easy veggies? We could.

If the idea of making all of those snack baggies makes your earth-loving heart cringe, look into reusable cloth snack bags. I do like the cloth bags I have, but if I’m being honest, I use ziplocks a lot. We are a people who lose things.

4. COOK THOSE MEALS

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A happy little chicken pot pie all ready for the oven!
Hopefully, your meal prep will make the cooking EASY. Throwing salads together, reheating taco meat, or throwing a bag of ready-t0-go food into a slow cooker. It’s hard to feed your people everyday. Make this as simple as possible.

5. EAT!

Perhaps this goes without saying, but hey, eat your food. Really eat it. Sit down at the table, pour yourself a glass of wine or La Croix, pray with your family, eat with your family. Take the time to be present, because life comes at you fast. And your food will taste better if you, ya know, sit and chew it.

That’s all for today. Happy meal prep! Check back on Thursday for my favorite kitchen stuff!

on growing pains

Show me that smile again (show me that smile)

Don’t waste another minute on your crying

We’re nowhere near the end (we’re nowhere near)

The best is ready to begin…

First of all, I think it’s important for you to know that I did just type out the Growing Pains theme song by memory. So to answer your question, yes, I’ve always watched far too much television.

Now I’ll give you a minute to sing through the rest of the theme song…

The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreaming…

We got each other, sharing the laughter and love (laughter and love).

Are you crying too? No? Just me then, huh. OK.

I’m a proud, solid crier. I will cry about anything. I’ve read on the World Wide Web that this means I am strong or emotionally mature or something. I didn’t learn that until recently, when I had long since adjusted to my tearjerky ways. For a really long time, I was worried people would see me cry and wonder why I couldn’t hold myself together. Or come over with hugs and sympathetic eyes I was not, in fact, emotionally mature enough to deal with. So I wouldn’t cry unless I was in my bedroom, in a bathroom stall, or anywhere that other’s eyes weren’t. 

What did I do instead of confronting my own emotions in public? I made jokes.

(It’s all making sense now, you’re thinking to yourself. It’s OK. Every comedian has an origin story.)

From my wise old age of 32 (PS THAT is a joke), I realize that most of my dramatic hidden sobfests were truly simply teenage growing pains.  (Show me that smile.) That’s not to say I’m past the hard days and the need for a good bathroom cry, it’s just to say I’ve reached a point in my life where I realize those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days of adolescence were temporary and necessary for growth. So now I don’t care who I cry in front of or why, if people agree with me politically, or honestly, if people like me that much. (I MEAN OK OBVIOUSLY I WANT THEM TO LIKE ME but meh, I’ve got my people.)

I made it through the growing pains (don’t waste another minute on your crying) unscathed; or at least, not too terribly screwed up.

So why does the thought of Boone’s growing pains make me want to double over in nausea? I don’t want him to cry. I don’t want people to disagree with his thoughts on politics and dog gone it, I WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE HIM!

Don’t worry, baby, everyone will always love you and you’ll be fine.

There’s a disconnect, I think, between parenting someone who has to take the painful journey of growing up and being someone who has already experienced it. On the one hand, I realize all of the embarrassing interactions and crushing blows are a vital part of helping us through awkward phases of adolescence. On the other hand, Boone and Jonah are my precious little kitten-puppy-ice cream-unicorn creations. They are smart and funny and everyone needs to appreciate how unique and awesome they are. So maybe they can just skip the whole “weird growth phase” that I think lasts from about preschool-college and just be totally self-assured right from the get-go? Huh? Maybe? 

No. 

So how do I parent embarrassment? And not minor embarrassment — big, life-changing, dramatic, the-sky-is-falling embarrassment.

Here’s the short answer: I don’t know. I don’t know today, because today nothing made the sky fall. I can’t plan for it — even though you know I’d love to — because I don’t know what it will be. I don’t know if a boy will say he doesn’t want to be friends anymore or if, as a college senior, he’ll write an email complaining about a professor and then accidentally send it directly to that professor. (OK but honestly, I might be able to help him out of that one.)

I admit, this has been troubling me more than I’d like. I want to have a plan in my head on all of the ways I can protect my children. And so God has whispered, first quietly and then a little louder and more insistently-

“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

And this is where I tell you God surely has a sense of humor since He’s repeating this to girl who literally read “What to Expect: the Toddler Years” when she was in her first trimester with her firstborn. God, I want to worry about things! It’s how I plan!

And He says, yes, of course, I know. But don’t.

So I’m not. Instead of worrying about how to handle the tough parts of parenting, instead of reading books or developing helpful plans, I’m praying. I’m asking for wisdom to be doled out when I’ll need it. It is one of the many ways God’s trying to strengthen my faith and my dependence on Him. It’s not easy. I mean it’s not crying-in-a-bathroom-stall, but — hey. Are our whole entire lives just one continuous stretch of growing pains? Were Jason and Maggie Seaver learning just as much about life as Mike, Carol, Ben, and later Chrissy? Will we ever figure anything out at all?

No.

Matthew 6:34. 

We got each other, sharing the laughter and love…

everything i need to know i learned from my toddler

Toddlers have a particular kind of wisdom that is often overlooked by the fact that they’re highly emotionally unstable. If you take the time to really dissect the toddler behavior, however, you will see that there is much to learn from your tiny little mood machine…

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: a genius.

Love your body.

Company over? In a public place? Somebody just make you put clothes on? SCREW IT, TAKE THOSE CLOTHES OFF. Your body is beautiful and a gift that should be given to everyone. (Please note there may be some legal repercussions here if you  try this one out in your local Target. The message is the same: love thyself.)

Fight for what you want.

Even if it’s just the blue cup instead of the red cup. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you (and want you to have the blue cup of your dreams)!

Don’t take “no” for an answer.

Also refuse to take “maybe,” “we’ll see,” “for the love just please stop talking,” “MAMA JUST NEEDS SOME ALONE TIME,” or muffled whimpers for answer either.

A cute smile goes a long way.

Even if you’ve been, like, a huge jerk all day. Just saying.

Be honest.

Yep, mommy does have a soft belly. Thanks for pointing that out. That man is wearing a silly hat. I bet he’s delighted to hear that. Oh no, he said “wow does she think!” and not anything about your odor. He’s admiring your brain. We have to go.

Let someone else take care of you.

Sometimes mysterious and invisible injuries can only be fixed by a kiss and a snuggle. Let yourself be kissed and snuggled, even if your wounds aren’t visible to the naked eye.

Love yourself.

Because, let’s face it, you’re the coolest person you know. Except for maybe your mom.